House Rules, by Reever Wenham
by sQuIsHeDbRoCcOlLi
Summary: 50 things the exorcists are no longer allowed to do. DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way, own D.Gray-man, though I do own the house rules.


House Rules: 1-50

1. Do not over-emo. Some people don't like it

2. Never bring coffee into the library when something from Komui's lab has been let loose in it (or anywhere, actually)

3. Do NOT activate you innocence without a valid reason.

3a. No, getting angry at someone is NOT a valid reason, so if you don't mind please put Mugen down.

4. Your innocence is, by no means, to be used as an asset to a Halloween costume.

4a. Grow UP.

4b. Yes that includes YOU too

4c. You white-haired granny-wannabe

4d. Keep off the rule sheet, female-wannabe

4e. BOTH of you keep OFF my rule sheet!

5. Komui is forbidden to invent any more mechanical renditions of himself

5a. Or anyone else

6. No hogging the toilet/shower area

6a. Singing 999 bottles of pop/beer on the wall and losing track of time is NOT an excuse

6b. Neither is singing the never-ending song

6c. It is now forbidden to sing any kind of long song

6d. That includes 7-stanza hymns

7. Don't fight in the canteen. It might make you puke

7a. Liquid soba and dumplings are NOT a pretty sight

7b. If you DO happen to expel the contents of your innards, clean it up yourself

8. The 'Sabbath' scheme will not be considered.

8a. So no, you don't get to eat lunch as your first meal on Sunday

8b. Or any other day

8c. Back to the point of the Sabbath, you do not get a day off unless the akuma are feeling rather kindly

8d. Which I highly doubt

9. Replacing missing data in reports with '42' is forbidden.

9a. Replacing missing data with '6x9' is also forbidden.

10. Hey Reever what'cha writing?

10a. Hi Lavi!

10b. Hi Kanda! Hi Allen!

10b. Go away, rabbit

10c. Don't be so MEAN **poke poke**

10d. Don't POKE me

10e. **pokes** haha whatever moyashi what's he writing?

10f. It's a set of rules

10g. Ohhhh let's write one!

11. This set of rules will be void

12. Rules 10 and 11 will be void

13. Lavi is now forbidden to write ANYTHING on the rule sheet

13a. Allen and Kanda as well

13b. Not even 'I WAS HERE'??

13c. (response to 13b.) Refer to rules 13 and 13a

13d. GET OUT!!

14. No midnight snacking

14a. Or midnight strolls

14b. 'I sleepwalk' is not a valid excuse

15. Hevlaska is NOT Nessie.

15a. No matter how much resemblance you think there is

15b. Therefore no lake jokes will be tolerated around her

16. I am NOT a water channel

16a. No, I do NOT have a cousin/relative called oxbow OR lake

16b. I am not related to Hevlaska

16c. No lake jokes or river jokes will be permitted in my presence

16d. Just quit it with the jokes about water bodies

17. Break a window, fix it yourself.

17a. You are not to ask Miranda to do something about it

18. Betting to see whether Komui implodes upon Lenalee's marriage is forbidden

19. Betting about when the canteen will run out of food supply is also not allowed

20. Betting about ANYTHING is disallowed

21. Getting Allen's hair re-bonded and dyed a deep purple and then getting him to dress in pink is strictly prohibited.

21a. We do not know this Touya Akira.

21b. Neither do we know this Tieria Erde.

22. Mugen is NOT a lightsaber when activated

22a. It is not a lightsaber, activated or not.

22b. This means that you, Lavi in particular, are not to kidnap it and stage epic fights with No.65

23. Lenalee is not to get married.

23a. Or at least until we find another way to wake Komui up.

24. Please remove the rubber ducks from the communal bath area, whoever put them there.

24a. If not then at least remove the Hawaiian and gay trunks from the respective rubber ducks.

24b. We are not going to drain and filter the bath area again to remove Kanda's puke.

24c. Any damage caused to the rubber ducks is strictly not my responsibility. Ducks are stationed at user's own risk.

25. Please do not follow Kanda around with a "rain cloud" stage prop. We are already short of members as it is.

26. Kindly refrain from entering Lavi's room unless in an emergency.

26a. Unless, of course, you would like to help him and Bookman clear the place of records and newspaper articles

27. Also, do restrain your urges to enter Kanda's room, unless in an emergency.

27a. In any case you do enter his room, do not touch the hourglass, no matter what you want to do with the pretty lotus inside.

28. 'Komui isn't waking up' is not an emergency that warrants entry into either Kanda's or Lavi's rooms.

29. With all due respect to the authors, do not re-enact scenes from fanfictions published on .

29a. Especially if the author of the fanfiction has added a "do not try this at home" in any part of the story.

30. The playing of the Darth Vader theme tune upon Kanda's entrance is prohibited.

31. Do not electrify Komui-shitsuchou and draw spirals on his spectacles.

31a. In any case you have done so, do not place him side by side with Johnny.

31b. The resemblance is nothing like you would imagine it to be, so please, do not attempt.

32. The exorcists will kindly stop reading over my shoulder and suggesting random rules

33. Tessei, aka Oozuchi Kozuchi, is not meant as a mode of transport, within HQ or without.

33a. If transport is required, it is suggested that the elevator be used rather than the misuse of Oozuchi Kozuchi/Tessei as it will result in the confiscation of Lavi's Innocence.

33b. Hey! That's not fair! Why only mine?

33c. I thought I said that the exorcists were to keep off the rule sheet?

33d. This is a violation of private property! You can't just take my Oozuchi Kozuchi away like that!

33e. Then don't break the rules

33f. Hmph. No fair.

34. Do not issue Krory any blood pills. He need not suffer your teasing.

34a. Do not give him a bottle of jellybeans labelled blood pills either. It would cause unnecessary disruption of the peace.

35. Getting Kanda's hair dyed yellow in his sleep is strictly prohibited.

35a. In fact, whether he's awake or asleep, it is not allowed.

35b. We do not know this Winry Rockbell.

36. Refrain from playing "musical wineglasses".

36a. We don't have that many wineglasses or the time for you to experiment your tuning skills and water-pouring skills.

37. In order to not further stress the staff, do not walk around without your shoes. "Staff" here referring to the laundry staff.

37a. Those who DO walk around in their socks will be thanked for their mopping services and requested to continue their community service with the more appropriate equipment.

38. An anguished cry of "No! Sirius is DEAD!" is not an acceptable reply when asked "are you serious?"

39. The purchase of the D. Gray-Man trading card game is solely at the buyer's own risk.

39a. Please do not complain about the vandalism of your own face on the deck of cards.

39b. Yes, do stop pouting, Lavi. You happen to be 18 years of age, so behave the way you should and the vandal might just stop drawing the rabbit ears.

40. If anyone happens to discover Komui-shitsuchou's Totoro plushie, please do not touch it. It is likely that he had drooled on it last night, or the night before whenever he lost it.

40a. Please do not attempt to give it a bath in the bath area. You would pollute the water as well as send a mortified Kanda running, first out of the area and then after you.

41. Spraying pesticide upon the activation of Mugen: Kaichuu Ichigen is prohibited.

42. It is illegal to feed alcohol to Timcanpi, no matter how cute the reaction is.

43. Do not tell Komui how paranoid he is about Lenalee.

43a. You are not allowed to give Komui-shitsuchou a tinfoil hat for his birthday or Christmas.

44. Upon getting drunk, Cross-gensei is not allowed anywhere near Lenalee or Cloud-gensei.

45. Kindly stop throwing the Styrofoam Pokéballs around during your free time. It may hit someone on the head.

45a. If the person's head is hard enough, your Pokéball may crumble.

46. Allen Walker is not Spiderman, no matter what Crown Clown Gamma can do.

47. Death Note is completely fictitious and therefore does not work, even if your black notebook has 60 pages and 38 lines on each page.

48. Dancing on gay rainbows is illegal.

48a. Wherever you got the gay rainbow from.

49. Do not purchase elastic putty and make bouncing Pokéballs.

49a. Destruction of the Pokéballs, Styrofoam or elastic putty, is the owner's own responsibility.

49b. The Science Department is not selling insurance for your Pokéballs.

50. This set of rules is to be adhered to.

50a. That was a really lame ending, Reever.

50b. I end the rule list however I want to. Please see rule 13.

50c. I don't care, I already broke a few rules, and that was before you wrote this.

50d. Just get away, Lavi.

50e. Don't chase us away like that!

50f. Get away too, Allen.

50g. Whatever. Can we have a copy of this list so we can break all the rules?

50h. No. end of discussion.

50i. I WAS HERE!! This is a really lame ending. _-Signed Allen Walker and Lavi Bookman Jr.-_

_-signed but not approved by Reever Wenham-_

* * *

**A/N: heys, my first fic! I hope you like it, please review! I had a lot of fun writing, so I hope you had fun reading it too. if you want another chapter you can ask me but I would take quite a while to do it as seeing how long I took to do this. anyway, please tell me what you think of this! thank you!**


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